So I'm not up to much lately. I can't believe the summer is almost over... getting ready for school is exciting...

I went to a viewing tonight for a guy that I knew from camp. Jonathan Stewart. It was really sad. He was only 17. It was a freak accident, they're not even sure how it happened. But he's in heaven now.

Well, I've signed up for my courses... ordered my bedsheets... university is happening for sure, and soon!

looks like the earliest class i'm going to have is 11am! booya! And no school on Fridays! Is university life actually going to be hard? I think not!

Date:	2004-08-02 00:40
Subject:	BAD DAY... oh how I itch...
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

Today is what can be defined as a bad day. There is no reason to call it a good day. Today the fates definitely worked against me to make me miserable. It all began when I woke up at noon because I slept past my alarm set for 9AM! Well because of that, I could not get a ride to the hospital to visit Tosh because my family and the car was at church. So no sweat, I thought I could just get a ride there when they got home around 3ish. So I'm chillaxing on msn and I decide to go take a shower at 1pm. So as I'm undressing, I notice the bug bite on my ankle has turned into a puffy rash. Damn that sucks I think. Maybe I'll get that checked out today. I turn on the shower. I step into the shower... and I sliP! I just lied there for a minutes because it hurt like a bitch and I couldn't move. Finally I get up, have my shower and then I got dressed. When my family got home I took the car out to the medical clinic. It was CLOSED! Due to a doctor shortage. So I had to drive to another walk in clinic because I don't have a doctor. It turns out that my rash is poison ivy and I probably have a broken rib! And then I had to help out with errands and such and driving and I didn't get to see Tosh til 8pm :( when visiting hours were ending.

Tomorrow is another day!

[I look at this day in a comedic sense, because it couldn't have gone any worse! Like seriously man... wow... what a day.]

I suppose I was being slightly dramatic, he's ok.

The summer has been flying by quickly. I worked on a television show again yesterday, this one was called "Kevin Hill". I was in ep. 1 and it was the 4th day of filming for the show and you can sure tell when a team of people haven't meshed yet. Spending 12 hours a day at the set sure makes people yell for no reason. People were so edgey. Or maybe I'm just used to the pampering at Degrassi because of the all kid cast. Well I don't know, but damn, yesterday I looked hot, they did my hair, makeup, and clothes... imagine me in a suit and heels! The scene I was in was in a courtroom and I was just in the audience. People thought I was at least 20.

School is fast approaching for us all! I'm kinda excited to move on, admit it, sinclair sucked. U of T is going to be awesome. I can't wait for the freedom it will bring. It's going to be nice to live downtown, I can finally shed my white suburban town ways. It's been a sheltered life. Frosh week we're going on a party cruise heh heh. I don't find out my roommate for another 3 weeks, but whatever cool. And uggg... course selections are this week. I've got archaeology courses and Japanese language... but I'm having extreme trouble deciding on my 2nd major...

Date:	2004-07-30 22:29
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried

Why does it have to be pain and suffering that makes you realize how precious every day life is? Right now I'm worried about how all of this will turn out. I hope he's going to be ok.

Well the rest of this week was good... wednesday I worked on the movie again, this time I did a 12 hour day... but I brought along Tosh and Heather which made it more fun and this worked out good because none of my buds from the other day came... It was fun.

I'm on the ddr diet plan as of yesterday... eat, sleep, play ddr!! (actually it's a video game and there is no diet plan, but it's good exercise)

Date:	2004-07-13 02:04
Subject:	I always thought I was a vampire...
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

Well I'm feeling the effects of a sunburn I got this afternoon... well more like a cross between a heat rash and a sunburn. My mom tells me I was allergic to the sun when I was little. The funny things you find out. Anyways, I, with my Japanese olive complexion am sunburned.

But that doesn't matter, for today, i worked on a movie. It was quite interesting. I met quite a few friendly people whom I had some good conversations with, by the names of Peter, Katrina and Tony. The movie was called "Sin of our Fathers". It was about the scandal with the catholic priests who liked to molest young boys. I was an extra. We filmed down at the St. Lawrence Market. There was like 500 of us. Some people were in costumes from the 1960's because they filmed this cool flashback sequence. I was supposed to be a "protestor" but that scene got canceled, so I was put in a church scene and had to get dressed up for that. They did my hair and makeup and a lot of people got their hair even cut by the stylists for the movie! Very cool. I took the GO Train down all by myself.. tee hee. My call time was 1pm which was awesome... but they kept us working til 11pm!! So I just got home at 1:30AM. Long day... easy pay! I made at least $100. I only worked in a scene for an hour of those 10.. the rest of the time I spent it waiting to go on. They filmed in the St. James Cathedral all day, on Church street. It was so hot and steamy inside from the lights and the smoke machine and the hundreds of people who just sat waiting for them to film... Christopher Plummar played the Pope, which was awesome, because for those of you who love the Sound of Music as much as I do, Christopher Plummar is Captain Von Trap!!! He's old and wrinkly now, but it was awesome seeing a legend in person. I love that movie. That is the one and only time I've been starstruck. That movie is immortal to me. I didn't approach him, but he walked by me in the church after we finished the scene. Ya so today was a cool day of filming and that has inspired me to crack down on some background agents to send me out to shows... I might even go for a principle agent, today definitely motivated me... like I know I'm a sucky actor and I know I didn't get anywhere with high school plays, but it's fuckin television, the worst actors are given a chance... and MONEY. I want money. There's money in TV work contrary to popular belief.

lots of updates lately...
yikes...
well, camp rocked. tons of good times, tons of fun, too many to write down.
i finished my last exams on thursday, summer is going good so far.
jen, i still want you to sign my yearbook and i'll sign yours.
new tosh development: tosh's MOM went to HIGH SCHOOL with my DAD. WEIRD!!!!! and tosh's cousin went to high school with my mom... and our grammas were childhood friends!!! AHHH!!!!

Date:	2004-06-07 01:56
Subject:	i'm leaving you all
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable

Just a quick note,
I have a lot of odd socks!
and I'm going away now for 9 days.
I hope you all miss me!
I am off to have many adventures and I'll miss you all.

P.S. I sent out my acceptance letter for U of T. Victoria @ St. George is my new home.

Date:	2004-05-30 13:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

My only debt to god, if there is one, is to enjoy the life that SHE gave me. This church, bibles, sundays and prayer nonsense is bullshit. Religion is based on wars, control and power.

Date:	2004-05-01 18:04
Subject:	*sigh*
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

It rained on the night of her death and the day after, because the world lost someone really special.

Seize life, take it for all it's worth. I think I want to study music.

I wish there was someone who could come and get me right now. I need to leave.

Date:	2004-04-22 23:22
Subject:	Confessions.
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

This blogging thing is stupid. I don't know why I continue to write on these sites. I'm pouring my thoughts onto websites for random people with nothing better to do to read about my complaints.

This whole prom thing bothers me. I wanna go, I have visions of the great time to be had, but that's not reality. I hate it that I can't go with the one person I want to go with. In fact I can't get a date at all. But what will it matter in a year? Two years? Some pictures in the back of an album and a dress only worn once. It's my fault I'm not going to have a 'great time'. It's my fault that I don't have a million friends to spend the night with.

I've been pushing people away this year. Not purposely, and not unknowingly. I feel jaded these days. I've come to expect the worst in people and don't care to try hard. I've become a creature who does things because she is supposed to. NOthing good seems to come my way as of late... I'm worn out and tired lately. I'm not friendly anymore and I don't care so much about connecting with people. I don't know why. I just don't care about things. I wanna have fun, I wanna go out, but I lack energy and because of that, desire... The last time I had any fun was Easter Weekend...

I'm sick of people letting me down. This has been a huge trend for the year of grade 12. Maybe I depend too much on others, maybe not. I just know that disappointments this year have only been created by hope that I used to possess in greater quantities... I just wish things could be different.

Something I've learned this year is that people HATE negativity. I hate it too. Now this never used to be such an obvious thing to me because of my family. They're the most negative bastards on the planet. They wouldn't know humour if a professional comedian walked into our house and made a knock-knock joke. This just bothers me. And all through elementary school I was the biggest (literally, fat kid), ugliest nerd... I had a terrible time. So like, this whole positive attitude thing has only come to my attention in the last few years.

Maybe that's why I'm not so open with people anymore. Because all I mostly think about are bad things. Things that people don't care to hear about. Things I don't bother mentioning anymore. "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything". This is a saying that has gone straight to my head. I can't decide whether I should keep this attitude. I just know that people receive me better when I'm not like that, but I also feel that I'm not really close to many people anymore and that my blogging sites know more about me than anyone. Too bad I'm talking to a machine.

I've lost an outlook on life that many other people my age seem to have. Only the best for yourself. Treat yourself well. I've forgotten these things in every day life. The height of my self-care was in grade 10, when I was 15... I had everything, diet, exercise, good group of friends... nice hair. And geeez I was only 110-115 lbs that year. Imagine. I feel fat these days. My latest jeans have a 30" waist, which used to be uncommon for me...

My piano teacher said something to me the last time I saw her. She doesn't speak english well, so the best analogy for playing more gracefully is to "be a princess". I found this word of advice to be true on all levels of my life. I need to take better care of my self, my body, what I eat, what I think. This staying up late nonsense has to stop. I suck at my job. I need to try harder in school and everything else in my life. I feel as though I don't put in enough effort. I had a 94 average in gr8.. the highest in the school. I have intelligence. Don't I?

There were so many things I wanted to be when I was little. I was convinced that I would be an astronaut, an actor, a singer, a dancer, an artist, a baker, a scientist, a beauty queen and so many other things. I even thought I could be Aerial the little mermaid some day. Somewhere between grade 4 and now things were crossed off my list, one at at a time of things that won't happen. High school is shit. Possibilities are so limited. High school taught me that I can't do math and I am horrible in science classes. I feel so unnurtured and that if dreams were to happen I'd have to start now, or it'd be never.

This year of my life hasn't been entirely rotten. There have been some good aspects. Like Tosh, he's a good guy. My guitar girls, we need to chill sometime soon. It's been a while. I repainted my room, though few people have seen it. Partying with camp people last summer. CAmp this year will be fun. Getting accepted to 4 out of 5 universities so far... and no rejections yet, just waiting. Snowboarding this year was great too. I'm really coming along. I think university will be the best time of my life... I'll be getting my G2 soon... And you know what? A full time job in the summer will keep me away from home. That combined with a drivers liscence will bring on lots of fun. Things are looking up for the next few months at least. I just miss going out and having fun with friends regularly. I'm totally lacking that right now.

I just had so many hopes for my life that aren't happening. Is that normal? But then is it entirely my fault if I don't make things happen? It's my fault again for just waiting. Maybe I should get a life instead of waiting for life to come to me. I don't know how to change though.

Date:	2004-04-17 17:27
Subject:	Hooray!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

You guys, I think I'm in love. I'm in love with Wilfred Laurier. Relax, I'm talking about the university. I went there today for a visit and it was a really, really nice school. I've now rejected York as a possibility. I really liked what I saw today. And random people there seem so nice. Our tour guide never arrived and we had been waiting for an hour, so this guy coming out of the athletic complex offered to give us a personal tour... 3rd year student of kinesiology/biology, really nice, athletic...drool worthy.. i mean i didn't say that... don't worry, I love you Tosh! Anyways, the campus was really nice, and Waterloo looks like a really beautiful city with stuff to do! So YAY! I'm going to Laurier (unless I Guelph impresses me beyond this, I still have to check that school out).

Date:	2004-04-15 15:31
Subject:	Does life suck?
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

well shit happens. But I guess I'm not the only one who suffers eh?

A few things have been troubling me lately. Things that I can't quite seem to get over. They just really suck...

1) I can't take my boyfriend of 8 months to my senior prom. He has to go to school that night for a musical theatre performance or fail the class. He's only a bassist.

2)I said something I shouldn't have to my boss yesterday and I hope it doesn't get me into trouble. Very worried. Jen I wanna discuss this with you.

3)My musical theatre teacher gave me a bad mark because he doesn't like me. seriously.

4)I can't get enough sleep lately... What are the long term effects of not sleeping? Because so far it's making me crazy.

Date:	2004-04-07 15:08
Subject:	Who reads me?
Security:	Public
Mood:	cynical
Music:	my immortal

Well I've told a few people about this site, but I have yet to know if anyone checks it.

Well today went ok, I went to choir at lunch, had interesting conversations with interesting people, it was good. Musical theatre was fun as usual. we danced and danced...

I have a beef with the world that needs to be settled.... why is it I always feel so misunderstood in everything I do or say? People always feel the need to correct me or mold me to their perspectives, but I just don't get it, leave me the fuck alone. Like I mean, I don't really have strong opinions, and I don't know everything, but what's the matter with the thoughts I have in my head? And teenagers can be so narrow-minded... if you feel like singing, sing! y'know what I mean? I just don't get it. I speak my mind, and others laugh? I may get dismissed by others as weird, or stupid, but I'm going to university, you fuckers; I've gotten two acceptanceS now. =)

Date:	2004-04-05 01:31
Subject:	I should be sleeping now....
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	brown eyed girl

Well this weekend turned out ok. "Shiet" happens. Then you smile and it's ok again. I watched the Junos tonight, that sufficed for some entertainment. mmmmm... marshmellows..

First Name: Christine

Middle Name(s): Elizabeth

Fake name(s): Elizabeth Hartrick, Skank, Honeybums

Birthday: 9/9/86

Highlight of your day: sleeping in

Plans for tomorrow?: Sleep, School, sleep and then a piano lesson

What are you afraid of?: the dark, pickles, my boyfriend not bothering to come get me on a friday night although he promised because he's already having tons of fun and decided to forget about me but brings me an apology coffee the next day for his stupidy while i'm working.

What kind of pets do you have, how many?: Two kitties..

What are your plans after high school?: Possibly university, travelling n shit. 

What is the one part of your life that you can't really live without?: Music.  I dunno, it's the only hobbie I've sort of had a chance in. 

If you were someone else, what would you think of yourself?: That girl is strange, moody, hyper, happy, quiet, pretty, ugly... she looks tired and needs some sleep!

Advice to others: A relationship is a lot like jello, it's fun, fragile, sticks to everything, and takes a lot of work to not make a mess of it. 

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	tacitcellardoor
Your haiku:	yay i stayed home from school today i was feeling kinda sick last night
Username:
Created by Grahame

Date:	2004-04-02 22:21
Subject:	What the fuck?
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off
Music:	Sic Transit Gloria - Brand New

Ok well today has been a great day, today has been an awesome day. I've been in a good mood today. Today went well. Tosh even stopped by at lunchtime to see me which made me super happy.

But now the day is nearly over, I worked tonight, but I've been home for nearly 2 hours. I'm not going out apparently. You see, as I predicted, Tosh tried to crash my plans for tonight. I canceled going to the movies with Kyle, because Tosh invited me to go to a hockey game with him. He really wanted me to come. Tosh said he'd call me for sure. I tried to call Tosh. I finished work at 8:30. Hockey game began at 9:30. I haven't heard from Tosh. He doesn't have a cell # and he's not home. WTF? What's going on. I'm home because of him. I gave up yet another Friday. Tosh I'm angry at you.